Marriage Part 2

Some people are working on marriage seeking, some on marriage strengthening, some on marriage sustaining, some on marriage saving.  Most people would say love should not be this hard it should just come naturally.  But nothing great comes naturally, writing a novel, playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, or your profession.  But you may say, "This is none of those things, this is love.  And love should be natural if two people are compatible soul mates."  Well the truth is no two people are completely compatible.     

The quest for the perfectly compatible soul mate is an impossibility.  The moment you marry someone you and your spouse begin to change in profound ways.  You cannot know ahead of time what those changes will be.  So you don’t know and you can’t know who your spouse will be in the future until you get there.   

Of course there are good reasons not to marry someone: much older or younger, different faiths, completely different morals, and so on.  Marriage is hard enough without having to bridge these gaps.  Some people are really, really, the wrong people to marry.  But even those that are right for us to marry, we are still not compatible.   

As you stay married you will learn that you will go through seasons where you learn to love someone you did not marry.  You will have to make changes you do not want to make and so will your spouse.  The journey will take you into a deeper more tender marriage.  But it is not because you married someone completely compatible, because that person doesn’t exist.  

You will never find a perfect person, but is that person perfect for you.  You and that "perfect" person will change and grow.  I dare say I am not the same person my wife married 11 years ago.  I am different in many areas,  really good in some areas, still striving in others, no where close in a couple.  But that is part of what marriage is, becoming the people we are meant to be.

The Meaning Of Marriage Timothy Keller page 37-38