Our Father's Hands 2013

Changing Your Stress Part 3

Here is Part 1 and Part 2.

A 3rd aspect in changing your stress level is, "Surrender control of the outcome, then stress can not take it away."

I like to be in control.  When I feel things are beyond my control I get stressed out.  I grind my teeth, flip my hat, and think really fast.

But much of life is beyond my control.  Let me repeat that for you, much of life is beyond your control.  We do not like the thought of that.  Let's list some things that are beyond our control:

-Other people
-The economy
-Diseases
-The Weather
-Car accidents
-Where I was born
-My disabilities
-The government
-Our family
-Etc.

Now this does not mean there is nothing we should do in any of these situation.  Disease for example.  I can eat well, exercise, get sleep, and watch my stress levels.  So that seems like control.  But even doing all those things well I can still get sick.

So, I must do my best, then surrender the control of the outcome.  If I surrender the control of the outcome, that takes stress away.  Wanting to control the outcome is mainly what causes stress in my life.  We love our families, we serve them well, we care for them, listen to them, help them, but we cannot control if they make bad decisions, or at least decisions we see as bad.  We must surrender control of the outcome.

Maybe you do not like the phrase, "Surrender control of the outcome."  Well let me replace that with a phrase you may like, "Trust."  I trust things will work out well.  It may take a lot of time, but I trust this will work out for good.

Joseph, you know the guy with the technicolor dreamcoat, he did things well.  He was bright.  He was his dad's favorite.  But he had no control over the outcome of his life.  He could not control his brother's hatred of him(although he could have handle his relationship with them better).  He couldn't control being sold into slavery(who can).  He couldn't control working for Potiphar and Potiphar's wife.  He couldn't control Potiphar's wife accusing him of rape(no one can control a Potiphar wife).  He could not control being thrown into prison.  He also could not control his release from prison and being raised to a level of power.  He had to put his faith in God, do his best, and learn to surrender control.  

Joseph said that his brother's meant everything that he went through for evil, but that God meant it for good. You see, you surrender control to God.  We trust that God is wise, powerful, and a good Father, and that he will work things for good.

You cannot control the outcome of things anyway.  You will just get stressed out trying.  So why not change your plan of attack from controlling, to faith in God, doing your best, and surrendering control of the outcome to God.  And don't confuse that with not doing anything.  Faith in God, doing your best, and surrendering control are actions plans, life plans.

So what do you think?  Are you a controller of outcomes?  Are you stressed out over the outcomes?  How can you trust God, do your best, and surrender control?

Leave us a comment.

Changing Your Stress Part 2

The first mindset in Part 1 we had to change  from "What If" to "So What."

The second mindset we have to change is from "Woe Is Me" to "What Can I Do About It."

The "Woe Is Me" attitude doesn't just creep in, it rushes in like a bull chasing runners.  Things are going fine, then all of a sudden you get some bad news or things did not work out in a situation, and you are immediately transported to "Woe Is Me."  We become agitated instantly.  Our ability to be rational is nonexistent at that moment.  We rehearse every bad experience from the past that lead us to this point. The challenges that we have dealt with for years, now seem like more than we can bare.

This happened to me recently.  I needed to go somewhere and I cannot drive because of my eyesight.  My wife, who is great, she always gets me where I need to be.  But she was working and I could not get where I needed to be.  Well I went into "Woe Is Me."  I was irrational and inconsolable for a time.  I have been dealing with my eyesight for 38 years, but at that moment it seemed like more than I could bare.

Well my wife, listened to me which I needed.  But then she kicked me in the pants, which I also needed, and she helped to change my attitude.  We went to from "Woe Is Me" to "What Can I Do About It."  The simple solution was a neighbor was willing to give me a ride.  It wasn't the solution I wanted but it was the solution. I went from helpless to an action.  The place I was going to was Streams Of Hope, a food pantry. I was able to serve many people that night that had challenges greater than mine.  It put life into perspective.

So how can we change from "Woe Is Me" to "What Can I Do About It?"

1. Realize you are panicking and going into the "Woe Is Me" mindset.  Are you pacing, raising your voice, mind rushing, upset, etc.  Just breathe and get control of your emotions.

2. Don't focus on the problem focus on a solution.

3. If no solution can be found after you have exhausted every option,  give yourself permission to not solve this problem.  This may be something I have to live with.  Surrender can be a very freeing attitude. If you don't like that phrase, what about trusting that things will work out for good.  If no ride was available I should have calmly called and told them I could not make it tonight and give my apologies.  Then  not worried about it.

4. Know that I have overcome this problem, or similar problems in the past.  If I did it before, I can do it again.

5. Keep the problem in perspective.  Although your problem is real and it means a great deal to you, as it should, there are others in the world who are suffering just as much.  Many are suffering much more.  Many times my problems vanish when I see someone going through something I could not imagine going through. Your problem doesn't change, it is still very real, but your focus changes.

6. Serve.  My attitude changed from "Woe Is Me" when I began to serve.  And even if I could not have gotten to Streams of Hope, I could have served my wife and daughter at home.  God forgive me that was not my initial attitude.

7. Realize I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  God made me this way for a reason.  I don't always see the reason.  But if I didn't have my challenges I would not be me.  They have made me who I am.  They have gotten me to this point.  If something is not right in my life, God has made me this way to notice it and with His help to change it.  And If I can't change the situation, God will change me.  That fearfully and wonderfully made is a continuation.  He is still working on me

8. Realize everyone can use a little help.  I needed my wife to solve this problem.  I needed my neighbor to solve this problem.  I needed Streams of Hope and those we served to solve this problem.  I get by with a little help from my friends.

9. Be thankful.  You know what, I got it pretty good in the big picture of things.

How about you?  What ways can you change your attitude from "Woe Is Me" to "What Can I do About It?"

Leave us a comment.



    

Changing Your Stress Part 1

I recommend the book "The Anxiety Cure."

To overcome stress in our life takes a mental mindset change.  An attitude adjustment.

I must change from a "What If" attitude, to a "So What" attitude.

Most worries will start out with "What If."  I know if I start to worry it usually starts this way.  What if something bad happens.  What if I can't pay that bill?  What if things do not go well at work?  What if this person is mad?  What if something is wrong with me personally?  Now all these things may or may not happen whether I say "What if" or not.  My worrying will not make these happen.  They may happen, they may not.

"What if" is a panic mode.  "What if" is an over planning mode.  "What if"  leads me to think the worse about a situation or person.

Now "what if" I tweak my attitude and change it to "So What."

First off "So What" is not an uncaring attitude.  Don't confuse "So What" with "Who Cares."  I care deeply with a "So What" attitude.  The things I am facing are still very important to me, but I have changed the way I see them.  I must move from "What If" to "So What."

"So What" empowers me to deal with the worse.  "What If" something bad happens, "So What."  I can deal with bad things, I have before.  "What If" I struggle to pay a bill, "So What."  I have struggled to pay bills in the past.  I have had to get creative to pay those bills in the past, made some changes, cut back on a few things, but I overcame.

"What If" things don't  go well at work, "So What."  I have had problems at work before.  I have had to change my attitude at work in the past.  I am well trained.  The problems cause me to get better and to learn more.  This problem comes up at work, "So What" I can handle it.

"What If" that person gets mad, "So What."  I can not control how others react.  I can only talk to people.  I can only make sure I listen.  I believe in forgiveness and reconciliation.  People get mad, people are dealing with many issues.  So I can not control all their issues.  I have plenty issues of my own to control.  I just have to make sure I am doing right, loving, forgiving, speaking the truth graciously, then "So What."

What if I get sick?  What if I get into a wreck?  What if someone close to me gets sick?  What if someone close to me dies?  What if I die?  All these things may happen and if you live long enough they will happen (so to speak). The mortality rate is undefeated.  Well except by one person, so far.  "So What"  I will deal with these things.  "So What" I serve a God that I believe works all things, even the worst of things, for good.  "So What"  I serve a God who resurrected from the dead and promised resurrection for those who believe.

So What

What do need to say "So What" about.  How do you so "So What" in your life?  Leave us a comment